Wednesday, October 19, 2022

Medication Makes Us FAT? | Weight Gain after taking Olanzapine, Clozapine and other Psychiatric Meds

Video Mentioned: My Medication Journey: Download a free PDF of LEAP at: My Story: my failed suicide attempt when I was 18. Weight gain is usually the most troublesome side effect of psychotropic medications, like Olanzapine, Clozapine, Risperidone, Chlorpromazine, Paliperidone, Quetiapine. etc. Side effect discourages people from taking and staying on treatment. In this video, let’s address this concern.

Cure for Emptiness: Why do you feel Lonely, Empty and Depressed

 Video mentioned: Spiritual Battle behind Depression and Mental Illness

Download a free PDF of my book LEAP at: My Story: my failed suicide attempt when I was 18.

Monday, June 20, 2022

When Someone Denies and Refuses Treatment for Their Mental Illness


Video Mentioned: My Medication Journey: Caregivers often have trouble convincing a person with mental illness to seek psychiatric treatment. Calling 911 and taking them against their will is not always ideal. Besides the obvious reason of stigma against the mentally ill, there are others reasons behind their unwillingness to receive treatment. Let’s talk about them in this video and discuss solutions

Saturday, May 28, 2022

Spiritual Health and Mental Health


Is there demonic influence, Satanic force or evil spirits behind mental illness, depression and suicidal ideologies? Many people in the religious community are drawing such connections and many sermons are dedicated to helping people overcome Depression with the Word of God. In this video, I am sharing my insights based on personal experience and proven phenomena. It will give you a brand new perspective on what causes depression and how to get better. Of course, medication and medical interventions are important in treating mental illness, don't get me wrong. I am also a woman of science. Please watch this video with an open mind. Download a free PDF of LEAP at:

My medication journey: effective treatment for mental illness


Mental illnesses are hard to treat. People with Bipolar Disorder, Depression, or other psychiatric conditions often complain about the side effects or the ineffectiveness of psychotropic medication, which leads to resistance and refusal in taking and staying on medications. I have Bipolar 1 Disorder, which was destructive at one point, but now I have achieved a high quality of life after my Bipolar Disorder is successfully treated. In this video, I want to talk about my experience in finding the right medication and the right dosage after years of struggling. I hope this video is helpful, and I hope you will soon be on your way to full mental health recovery. Download a free PDF of LEAP at: My Story: my failed suicide attempt when I was 18.

Saturday, March 5, 2022

How I beat Insomnia. The real root cause of Insomnia


My Extreme Insomnia before my suicide attempt:

My Story: my failed suicide attempt when I was 18. My Experience in a Psych Ward. Download a free PDF of LEAP at:

Are you somebody who lives with chronic insomnia, and do you feel like you have racing thoughts at night that keep you from falling asleep? Are you taking sleeping pills on a regular basis and are they becoming increasingly ineffective? In this video, I want to share how I have successfully recovered from my chronic insomnia.

Tuesday, February 8, 2022

The First Step in Suicide Prevention: Going to a Psych Ward

Direct links:

Download a free PDF of my book LEAP at: My Story of how I survived my suicide attempt:

Subscribe to my Youtube Chanel:

The tragic death of former miss USA Cheslie Kryst stirred up another round of discussion on suicide prevention. Her death certainly hit close to home for me, at age 18, by the same means, my suicide attempt made me paralyzed for life. Over the years, I was in and out of a psychiatric ward for a total of 5 months. In this video, I will share my experience in the psych ward. I hope that you will find this interesting and thought-provoking. I will also discuss the importance of seeking inpatient treatment when someone is suicidal. And why it is the first and most important step in recovering from a mental illness.

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

Can't Sleep?! My extreme insomnia prior to my suicide attempt

During my first acute stage of Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder, I was unable to sleep for over 2 months, literally no sleep. There were also a lot of physical symptoms that were a torture to me. I was extremely #suicidal. I am sharing that experience here and giving hopes for people who are going through insomnia and depression right now.

My Youtube Channel: How I Survived my Suicidal Attempt: my website: free PDF of my book:

Analyzing the Mentality of Mentally Ill Killers

I KNOW, you are shocked to see it’s not a white man who looks like a therapist or a detective doing this video. I look like a harmless person who will never be placed in the same category as a crazy murderer. BUT, please hear me out for just 10 minutes, it will change your perception and misconception on this subject.

When I was acutely suicidal and insanely depressed, I thought about hurting another person. Yes, someone as harmless as I am were capable of having many evil thoughts and even actions. I can definitely relate to the mentality of some of these shooters who have committed the most horrible crimes in U.S. history. In this video, I am giving my insider's analysis and I am sure you will find it very interesting and insightful. Videos mentioned in: My experience with extreme insomnia: Do people need a motive to commit suicide: my website: free PDF of my book:

Supportive Treatment to Mental Illness | How I recovered from Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression

Having a mental illness might require a high maintenance lifestyle. There are certain things in life we might want to avoid, and other things that we must do with consistency.

In this video, I am sharing my insights on how I maintain my mental health aside from taking medications, the dos and don'ts as someone who lives with bipolar disorder. It's also applicable to people with other types of mental illness. Medication treatment for mental illness: My Story: Read my book for free: My website:

My Youtube Channel: 

Will psychiatric medications hinder Creativity? | Is Kanye West right?

Last year, Kanye West went off his medication to finish his album, saying that medication hinders his creativity. In this video, I am sharing a similar experience before finding the right medication and the right dosage to treat my bipolar disorder.

In this video I am sharing my success story on finding the right dose and right type of medication. You will get an insights into how to effectively treat a mental illness.
Supportive means of treating Mental Illness: my website: free PDF of my book:

Suicide Prevention: How to help someone who is depressed and suicidal

Combined with my lived experience with Bipolar Depression, I will share some tips on how to help a depressed and suicidal friend or family member.

Subscribe to my Youtube Channel

Read my book for free at Visit my website

Friday, November 2, 2018

Coming off Psychiatric Medications?

Recently, my friend's cousin who lives in China messaged me and told me about her mental health situation. It's very unique. She used to be a happy and positive person, with no mental health issues whatsoever. When she was 19, she was a rebellious teenager. It wasn't typical at the time and it was extremely unacceptable in China. She was always angry and disrespectful towards her parents. Thinking that she was schizophrenic, her mom found a doctor and put her on antispychotic medications. Fast forward, 11 years later, she is still stuck on these medications and she is experiencing severe health issues, such as high blood pressure, tremors, poor quality of sleep, inability to control her tempers and emotions, high risk of breast cancer, inability to have children, etc. She is on an antipsychotic drug called Olanzapine and an antidepressant called Luvox. The amount of information on these drugs are very limited in Chinese and her psychiatrist claims that these drugs are "import", therefore they are "awesome", even though he confirms that she doesn't have schizophrenia, he thinks it's not a good idea to come off these medications. Indeed, when she tried to quit cold turkey once, she wasn't able to sleep for 5 days.

After Googling these two drugs, I found a lot of valuable information in English, including other people's terrible experience trying to come off it. In a woman's story, she even had a minor stroke as a result of her withdrawal from Olanzapine. Here is her story:

I then remember that I was on Olanzapine for a while as well, it didn't do any good to my mental health, and I was then switched to what I am taking now, which is Seroquel. I am aware of the fact that I am fully dependent on this medication, if I accidentally skip a dose, I won't be able to sleep for that night. But my dosage is only 150mg, it's the minimal dosage and I cannot go any lower than that. With the help of another medication called Epival (500mg), my bipolar disorder has been well treated. I have been doing great for over 11 years, I have not had a mental health breakdown for 11 years! I don't plan to come off my medications, I don't experience any side-effects. Aside from the fact that I might not be able to carry my own child, I don't see my life being affected in anyway by my medications.

Anyway, after doing more research, I came up with a few tips that could help my friend alleviate her side-effects by lowering her dosage. In this post, I want to share my findings, as well as some personal experience in lowering my psychotropic medications to achieve optimal mental health.

First of all, I don't think a person who actually has a mental illness, who actually has psychosis should come off antipsychotic medications completely. It will most likely cause a relapse, therefore a major set back in their life. The goal is to lower the dosage to a point where side effects are most minimal, or replace it with another type of antipsychotic that works better. 

1. Slowly and gradually. It's like quit smoking with Nicorette patches. Take off 5% the dose every 4 weeks. I am speaking from my personal experience. After landing the right medication, it took about 2 years to finally figure out the right dosage. And my mom actually "adjusted" my dosage without my awareness, and she dared not telling my doctor about it. I was doing better and better mental health wise. I had normal emotions, and my creativity, memory, and other aspects of my mental abilities were all enhanced. When my doctor was about to move to another city, I finally told him the truth on our last meeting. He was like, "oh, I can understand that."

2. Keep a diary. My mom had a small journal, every day, she would write the amount of meds I was on, the quality of my sleep and my mood. If you are writing the diary yourself, you can rate your sleep, your mood, and your physical symptoms out of 10 or out of 100. Monitor the changes you experience after a dosage has just been reduced. If you experience insomnia for days, and withdrawal symptoms that you cannot tolerate, you should slow down your pace, and add a bit back to your dose.

3. Have a healthy and structured life style. Quit smoking and drinking. Do more exercise, and eat food that are considered clean and healthy. Mental healthy is part of our overall physical health. In my experience, I was overweight at the time, therefore, I went swimming every day, I ate oatmeal for dinner instead of white rice. I lost about 40 lbs in the process. I felt like my mental health was restored right about the point when I was in a much better shape physically.

4. Work with a Psychatrist on a long term basis. Again, the goal is to lower your medication to a point where your side effects are minimal and your mental functions can be enhanced. The goal is not completely coming off the medications because you have a mental illness to treat! Sometimes, we need to come off a medication when we are switching to a different type of medication. That's why it's important to have a psychiatrist on a long term basis. When someone is acute, the type of medication prescribed is usually very strong and "toxic", but during maintenance stage, if the meds have bad side effects, a milder type of meds should be used. In my experience, I have tried many different types of meds and combinations before landing on the right meds, and my doctor played a key role in it.

5. Lastly, and most importantly, do not lose faith in medications just because you have a terrible experience with one type of medication. If one doesn't work, keep on trying until you find the right one and figure out the right dosage. I have heard people say, I don't take meds, I just try to deal with it, I have good days and bad days, I have to shower myself with inspirational quotes during the bad days. But speaking from personal experience, if your mental illness is well treated by the right meds, being happy and positive is effortless. You will find that being human is a complete different experience than you have ever known.

Hope this helps, God Bless!

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

A Shorten Version of Leap

Recently, it brought to my attention that for someone who is acutely suicidal, they don't have the patience to read a book. Here is my story in under 2000 words. It's also a much easier way to share. Thank you!

Click here for the PDF

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Psychologist or Psychatrist?

Recently, someone reached out to me about her mental health condition. She is experiencing symptoms of depression that definitely needs medical treatment. She mentioned that she has seen a psychologist/psychotherapist a few times but she didn't find them helpful. I suggested her to see a psychiatrist because her mental illness is definitely beyond the scope of what a psychologist can do. It made me realize that many people do not know the differences between the two and that can be problematic if a person is seeking help for an acute mental illness.

A Psychologist is someone who usually has a PhD in Clinical Psychology. They have knowledge in psychotherapies, counselling and other treatment methods that improves some one's psychological well being. They are helpful to someone who experiences distress because something traumatic has happened to them. For example, someone who has witnessed the tragic death of a loved one, someone who has been robbed at gun point, or someone who has been abducted for decades and has just been returned to the society, or veterans who returned home with PTSD. In other words, they have very understandable reasons to be depressed. During treatment, the therapist will aim to help them with counselling and behavioral therapy, and if necessary, they might suggest the use of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications on a short-term basis. People can completely recovered from their condition after a series of treatment. There are other people who are not sick, but they see their therapist on a long-term basis because their therapist is like a good friend with a lot of wisdom, they can talk about their problems in a safe and therapeutic way. Most psychologists have their own private practice, their fees are not covered by public health care.

On the other hand, a Psychiatrist is someone who is a medical doctor graduated from a medical school. They treat people with mild to severe psychiatric disorders with the use of medications. From experience, when seeing a psychiatrist, they do not attempt to talk you out of your problem. They do not deal with the reasons and trigger of some one's mania or depression. For most mental illnesses, these external reasons are usually very trivia. The focus of treatment is to correctly diagnose the person and find the right type of medication for their condition. Since most conditions cannot be cured, a person should see a psychiatrist on a regualr basis to renew their prescription, likely for the rest of their life. Sometimes, a referral to a psychiatrist takes months in Ontario. When a person is acutely suicidal, they cannot wait that long. Therefore, the best way is to admit them into an Emergency department. A Psychiatrist is covered by Health Care.

If you are already depressed to a point where you are suicidal, it's very likely that you have a medical condition and you need to see a psychiatrist right away. If you are still able to function on a daily basis, meaning that you can sleep and you still have the desire to eat, and most importantly, the reason of your depression is big and everyone agrees with it, then, you are probably in a bad mental state that is temporary. You might not need to be placed on medications. Having a good psychologist/psychotherapist will help facilitate your healing process.

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

How to Help Someone who is Acutely Suicidal

Recently, I have a family friend who is experiencing an acute mania/depression. Helping his family go through it has given me an update on how the system works  (in Ontario Canada) for psychiatric patients and how to effectively help someone who is acutely mentally ill (which applies to all). 
It started a month ago when his mom told us that he had been acting strange lately. He had trouble sleeping, he was delusional and he was talking to himself all the time. His social media posts were disturbing.  His mom thought that he would eventually snap out of it and get better on his own. It was hard to convince her that her son must receive medical interventions. Then, he started to wander on the street during most of the day, she did not know where he had been to or what he was doing. Finally, she asked us to take him to the hospital. That’s when I saw him for the first time since he became ill. Honestly he didn’t look sick by just looking at him. Except I could tell that he was no longer the soft-spoken and nice guy that he used to be. His mom said that he had become a different person, really angry and verbally aggressive, which definitely gave me that kind of vibe.
But he refused to go to the hospital. So we called 911 on him. When the paramedics showed up he was furious and started to argue with them. Some of the stuff he said was nonsense and delusional. The paramedic told me that they had no authority to forcefully take him against his will, only the police officers could do that, but they were caught up somewhere and we had to wait for them. Almost 45 minutes later, two cops finally showed up. My friend did not resist at all this time. He got up right away and walked towards to ambulance. One of the cops told me that normally they would put handcuffs on a patient to prevent any incidence, but my friend looked relatively calm, they didn't think it was necessary. One of the cops went into the ambulance with my friend while the other cop followed the ambulance in his police cruiser.
After arriving at the emergency room, we were asked to wait for the doctor. The paramedics departed from us, while the police officers were sitting with my friend. We waited for almost 1.5 hours before it was finally his turn. Cops escorted him into the emergency unit. 

Cops came out and asked us:"what do you think his illness is?" They were not at the scene earlier, apparently they could not tell if there was anything wrong with him. We told the cops about his strange and ill behaviours. The cops warned us by saying that he might be sent home tonight, “We have seen people who look sicker than him, and they got sent home. There was a guy here couple months ago, his wife took him to the hospital. They did not keep him but sent him home. He jumped off the building on that night. The ones who get to stay usually look very ill. They don’t take care of their hygiene, they look like homeless people or people who have obvious cuts on their body. Unfortunately, that is how the system works. We cannot hold someone against their will, especially when they appear to be okay. Unless you go to a judge or a doctor to sign what’s called Form 1: Application for Psychiatric Assessment. With this form signed, it would give you the authority to hospitalize him by indicating that he is not mentally capable of making decisions on his own. That way, he will be kept in the hospital for up to 72 hours. After that, an assessment will be made to decide if he should be kept for a bit longer (up to two weeks, then reassess again)“. 
“Where can we get this form signed at this time of the day?” We asked, it was 10pm on a Saturday night. 
“Unfortunately, he might have to go home tonight and you will have to come back tomorrow with the signed form. He might go home, he might, I don’t know, it depends on the doctor’s decision tonight.” 
There is no way that we gonna let him go home on that night, especially after hearing what happened to that poor husband and wife. After more pleads, the cops winked and said: “ you gotta tell them how severe he is. And maybe more severe than he actually is. . . hope he gets better soon.” The cops left after that. We were lucky that the paramedics and the police officers were very patient, compassionate and helpful.
Another 45 minutes went by, a nurse came to speak to us after speaking to my friend. She asked his mom about what happened and what kinda behaviours and symptoms he had lately....Did we exaggerate his condition? Maybe, but honestly after my own struggle with mental illness, I know that a sick person’s outward behaviour only reflects a small part of what they actually have in mind. Their minds are probably 10 times darker than their actions. Therefore, we were probably right on about the severity of his problems. We told the same story to the psychiatrist who came 20 minutes later. It helped when I told them how my suicide attempt put me in a wheelchair. The doctor agreed to hospitalize him and he will sign Form 1. Thank God he was kept in the emergency room that night and for the next few days. 
For the next three days, he was staying in the emergency department, having a bed but only separated from others by a curtain. He was not medicated yet, the doctor was trying to confirm what he had and finally came to the conclusion that he was having a manic episode. I learned from the doctor that he had his first episode three years ago when he was in another city. His medical record helped confirm the diagnosis, which is bipolar disorder. His first episode was effectively treated after almost two months in the hospital, but he did not keep on taking his medications, because of severe side effects. Though he had been doing well for the last 1.5 years, being off medications was like a ticking bomb. Another episode would inevitable occur.
When a bed was available in the mental health ward, he was then transferred there. He stayed in the hospital for a total of 3 weeks. He was taking his anti-psychotic medication. After he came home from the hospital, there were still times that he would say things or do things that were problematic. But fortunately, as of today, he is no longer at risk of suicide. 
There are couple important things to keep in mind when attempting to help a loved one who is suicidal 
1.    Call 911! The chance of a person staying in the hospital is higher if they are brought in by the paramedics and the police. 
2.    When someone who is sent home right away after being seen by the doctor, it would actually facilitate their determination to commit suicide because they have now lost all hopes that anyone is able to help them, they have lost faith that their condition is treatable. 

3.  When describing their behaviours to the doctors, make it sound worse than you have witnessed. Chances are, there are many troublesome symptoms that you are not aware of. You might not know just exactly how bad they want to die. 
4.   Keep them in the hospital for as long as they are allowed. Ideally, if someone is on medications and takes them consistently, they don’t necessarily have to be hospitalized. But for any types of psychotropic medications, it takes at least 2 weeks to kick in. During that period, staying in a hospital is the only way to keep them safe. When a person is mentally ill, they usually don’t sleep at night, therefore it’s impossible for family members to watch them 24/7.
5.    Taking medications in most cases is a lifelong commitment. The medication that my friend took during his first episode was very effective during his acute state. However, when he were at the maintenance stage, he should switch to a milder medication. He did not have a long-term psychiatrist who could follow up with him regularly to adjust the use of medications. That was a mistake. 
6.    Having a mentally ill person in the family is extremely tiresome, therefore patience and unconditional love is really needed. Most importantly, be educated about their condition and monitor them to make sure that they stay on medications. 
To learn more about my journey and insights, read a free PDF of my story at

Monday, October 24, 2016

The Way We Think

Some people have a positive outlook in life, always hopeful and free of worries. Some people are always negative, seeing the worse in every situation. We might think it's because they are who they are, it has to do with this person's personality, character, or the experience they have gone through. It's true, maybe. But the chemical makeups in our brain can also affect the way we think, the perspectives we take, and whether or not we see a glass as half-full or half-empty. In other words, we may or may not have control over how we think.

Have you met such person, or are you that person? When you fly somewhere, you always fear that the plane is gonna crash. Or when your loved one is ridiculously late, you think that they must be in some kind of accident. If the reason or the outcome is unknown, you always think about the negative, you can't help it, you just cannot help it. That is all that you think about in your head.

I used to be like that, for the first 22 years of my life. Even when I was a child, I was lacking the naiveness of people my age. I would be so worry-sick whenever my parents had to go on a business trip. As I got older, things just got much worse. I would even lose sleep at night thinking about all the scenarios that would go wrong. I had heard all kinds of inspirational quotes, but I was incapable of thinking that way.

After being on the right medication and eventually figured out the right amount (after 2 years), I have since become a really positive person. Being optimistic is a default, it's effortless. My personality has also changed. I cannot even relate to the person that I used to be. A friend from high school reunited with me recently and she could tell the changes by just looking at "my expressions". Another thing I find it interesting is the fact that I used to LOVE to watch horror films. But now, it would haunt me for days. It's the only type of movie that I would not watch.

On the other hand, my mom said that she used to be a fearless and sassy young lady. She would walk ahead of my dad when they were venturing into an unknown territory. But after menopause, and after her health has declined because of aging, she has become an introvert, not knowing what to say in a social gathering and mildly pessimistic in almost everything. Only the fact can change her previous feeling and perspective toward uncertainties.

How to Improve Mental Health

A lot of people have tried medications, but the side effects have discouraged them from continually taking them. For others, they have "bad days" and "good days", perhaps their condition is not that severe that they probably can still function without medications. In these two cases, the only alternative "treatment" to improve their mental health is to improve their overall physical health.

When a person is already aware of the fact that they have a mental health condition, it's important to avoid drinking, smoking and taking any substances that would alter the chemical makeups in their brain. For me, I can't and I don't even drink regular coffee. It would make the quality of my sleep poorer and shallower. Often times, when a person is depressed, they tend to abuse alcohol or other substances as a coping mechanism. Unfortunately, it would only worsen their condition.

It's so trite to say, "we should drink 8 glasses of water each day, eat a lot of veggies and fruits, stop eating junk food, exercise regularly, have at least 6 to 8 hours of sleep each day, have a healthy lifestyle, etc. etc. " The truth is, they really are the keys to maintain and improve a person's mental health in a way that most people are not consciously aware of. The positive changes are slow and gradual, but once our physical body is clear of all the toxic substances and is well nourished, we will feel much better mentally. On the other hand, it takes extra amount of effect and energy for a depressed person to start making positive changes. It's easy to get pulled down but hard to bounce back. The effects are not immediate and it can be discouraging, but you gotta persist and not give up. It's worth the strive.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Mental Illness and Substance Abuse

Mental illness can be triggered and worsened by taking recreational drugs, especially if you already have a genetic predisposition that you might not know of. I heard a story of a teenage boy who used to be a happy and popular high school student. He went to a party and took two pills he didn’t even know what it was. He became psychotic for the next few days. People told him to drink a lot of water in the hope that the drug would just pee out of his system. Unfortunately, after the psychosis had subsided, he fell into a depression and eventually committed suicide. Therefore, really be careful with the choices you make in life. Drugs and alcohol abuse can also worsen a mental illness. Think about it, they can mess up a healthy person’s brain; imagine the damage it could make on a mentally unhealthy person. In addition, they can also offset the effects of psychotropic medications. Therefore, if you want to recover from a mental illness, get sober first!

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Questions from You

Do you have to be on medications for the rest of your life?

The short answer is Yes. I always make sure I pack my medications in two different suitcases when I travel. If I skip a dosage, I would probably know right away as the pace of my thoughts will pick up at night and I am unable to fall asleep. Without a night of sleep, my heart will beat faster and I am a little bit more emotional and neurotic the next day. But as soon as I take my medications, all will go back to normal and I am myself again.

I have developed a dependency on my medications, perhaps you can compare that to an addict who cannot live without their drugs. However, I would define mine as healthy and normal. Just like someone who is born with type I diabetes, they need to rely on Insulin for the rest of their life. Having a bipolar disorder is innate and I need to rely on something extra to keep me balanced and functional. But unlike someone who has diabetes, they have to watch what they eat and change their lifestyle accordingly, when I stay on my medications, my life is perfectly normal. Right now, I am on a minimal dosage, which doesn't give me any side effects. But as to the long term consequences, I am not worry about it at this time.